Hello My name is BG and I'm new to this site however, I'm by no means new to my social anxiety. I have lived with this for years. Throughout the years my anxiety is not the only thing I have picked up though. I have learned to minimize my anxiety and when it does hit how to control it to some degree. What I can tell you that may help? Do not constantly isolate yourself it makes it worse. Drugs intensify and sometimes cause social anxiety but take the ones your doctor gives you, they help . Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine it makes you more anxious and cigarettes also make you insecure. Diet and Especially Exercise are important. Seek one on one counseling to achieve specific goals or if you can do group therapy to wean yourself back into the community and target your anxiety. Help yourself get a grip by expressing yourself through art, poetry, or whatever suits you, write in your journal or blog, and keep yourself busy as much as possible. The most important thing is that everyone is different and what works for them may be as well, but you can combat your anxiety and it’s accompanying depression. Well, that's all I got for now feel free to contact me if you have any questions or need to talk (about SA), good luck with your Struggles....

So...I had my first appointment, which is the intake appointment. This is where they sit me down, ask me a ton of questions to asess whether or not I need help. I do not have insurance and not the kind of income that can just pay for regular visits, but luckily they have a program for low income. After telling my life story, the very nice lady that I was talking to, lets me know that the state will not cover social anxiety. After my heart sank and I'm feeling like an idiot, she tells me they do cover depression though. How fortunate for me that I've suffered from depression since I was a teen. If it wasn't for that I would be completely without help. Why is it that people don't take social anxiety serious? I don't understand. I revolve everything in my life around it. Obviously it's a huge issue for me, but not serious enough for the state to care.
I'm hoping that even though SA is not covered, that this therapist I'm going to be seeing will still make an effort to help my real problem. I really hope I'm not going to regret trying to help myself.

hm....posting my first blog here, well not exactly a blog but I just wanted to start off by saying" hi"~~
I hope I can post my thoughts/feelings and update it as much as I can.
See ya later~~

God Bless~~

Longing
to belong
but misunderstood
Wanting to be a part
not really knowing how

Quiet by default
with lots of things to say
trapped inside
begging to get out
Speak Child!
Let the world hear your voice...
JUmbLeD MEss
Oops...
Shutting Down

Today I made my first appointment to get some counseling. I'm so nervous. The thought of telling a complete stranger the story of my life is terrifying. I hope this won't be a waste of my time. I really do kinda have my hopes up that this is the beginning of a time of healing. Not only for my social anxiety, but also for some traumatic events that happened to me when I was a little girl. None of my "family" then thought healing was necessary.
Anyways...I hope I'll be able to get over some things that I still dream about. Its weird that when you think you've blocked things out, memories have a way of just kinda popping into your head. I'm so tired. Mentally and physically. I want to start over. I don't want to be bitter anymore. I want to be strong and happy. I don't want to care so much about what other people think of me. I need to find myself and hopefully think someday that I'm enough. Right now I just hate myself. I can't think of single thing about me that I like.

So..this is to clear my thoughts. No ego :0

Why was I born into a world where I am forced to do things that I dislike, and generally suffer so much? Why do I feel like a failure if I don't feel like living up to other people's expectations; if I don't go after the stereotypical "good" ending - I must be strong, I must endure, I must: Be a good person, work hard, be organized, be passionate and happy and find a good career, overcome all depression and anxiety..?

Well, you want to make your life happy, right? Yes; so that is why you have to get over it! I don't think it matters so much why you exist in these crazy circumstances, why you feel sad about not being as good as other people being you feel that only a hard-working, focused person can find happiness.

The whole idea of losers and winners, I feel so tired about this...all this spiritual growth, not letting people down, MUST MAINTAIN responsibilites etc etc.

But hey! You let your mind go on without controlling it. What you said a few paragraphs up, it is as it is. I don't know why you're here, suffering, but we have to get out of it. All else is just comlaining. If you have to work to operate in society, if there is a pre-imposed limit on your freedom, just accept it. We're getting out of it! Do what must be done...then we can escape. You are getting close to escaping!!!! GET OUT OF HERE!!! YAy

Oh my, what's the point of life. You live and live...after many lives you then decide: What a waste..I want to escape. I guess it doesn't make sense to the mind, as the spiritual masters say, so here I go again. Stay mindful

My mom works as an assistant administrator for an old folks home for those old people that can still live independently and are mentally stable. I've had some correspondence with one of them who gave me a fascinatingly accurate read of my personality by observing my handwriting, and recently she has sent me a printed book in a blue duotang that she feels will help me deal with my anxiety disorder.

I am writing this to the community. I am writing this to my spirit guides. Maybe this was your intention guides, that I discover that I don't want what is in this book, and to further entrench this in my mind. I don't know what you want, you're always sending me numbers but it happens so often that I have no idea what you mean, so I give it my own value, defeating the purpose. Maybe there is still value, but it seems nowadays it just aggravates me, or I avoid the numbers, my life is run by numbers, I look for validation in numbers. I look away when my watch says 333. I look longer than I should when its coming up to 222. THIS ISN'T WORKING!!! But if it continues it continues. I don't know what to say, I don't really know anything yet again.

Anyways, back to my point, still for the both of you (spirit and real communities). I don't want to be what this book is telling me. Look at the headings, the title first: "MAKE people like, respect and follow you". This was my plan all throughout high school...how to change my personality so that they will all love me. That was a failure. The WHOLE POINT of my high school was to teach me that this was folly, that you shouldn't try to change who you are for other people, or try to say things that they like, or act happy, or whatever...because you're becoming a fake who never like who he/she is because he ISN'T who he/she truly is. So you go around wondering how to make others happy, thinking you'll be happy. And then you realize they aren't artificial, they are perfectly happy with who they are. And you miss yourself. Maybe there are some things in there that could be useful, I can't throw it out entirely. But generally I just want to be natural. Whoever likes me/doesn't so be it - right? Do I want fake relationships? No!!

No. So; I think that's about it. I wish I understood you better spirit guides :). You were really nice when I talked to you when I was meditating...but now I just talk to myself and think it is you. Aaggh...getting into metaphysics..maybe not such a good idea. I'm sorry I can't understand you. But I think I know where to go...I'm sure this awareness thing is the right path, and I'm definately trying to be more mindful, in an effort to feel my intuitive sense of what is right and wrong.

Maybe I have to articulate my thoughts. Oh well, now I am more grounded. Don't worry guys, I'll make it! My plan always works like a funnel, eventually you have no where else to go but the truth.

- PB.

Lately all I want to do is sleep. Not something I can really do since I have two young sons. I've been trying to avoid life. I don't want to be around anyone. I try to be a good mom, but this thing that's got a hold on me is interfering a little.

I don't know myself anymore. Actually, I'm not sure that I ever had. I feel like an empty person. I'm a wife and a mom, but that's it. There's nothing to me. I've always been a very emotional person, but lately I've become numb and don't care as much. Maybe even a little insensitive at times. I feel myself pushing away from my husband. Sometimes I cant stand it when he touches me. I don't know what's wrong with me. There is so much pressure and resentment building up in me. I used to be just sad all the time. I became a mom and a wife and most of that went away. I tried hard to hide my social anxiety, even though I have it severely. Things were going okay for a while, but now I'm lost again. Is it my fault thinking I could just hide and pretend like it's not there?

My occasional glass of wine is starting to become an everyday thing. Which hardly makes me an alcoholic, but it bothers me that that's the only way I know how to calm myself down. I'm fighting with myself to be a good person. A sane person. I'm really struggling to keep myself together. I'm scared that after spending most of my life wound so tight that some day soon I'm going to completely lose control.

I am somewhat of a normal functioning SA sufferer. I can leave the house, talk on the phone, and engage in small talk better than it seems some of my co-workers...I work in radio so I could not have gotten this far if I was as bad as some SA sufferers. However, if you wanted to make a seperate diagonsis for Avoidant Personality Disorder, this describes me to a tee. I feel special in a strange way they have a disorder especially for me.

1. Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
2. Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
3. Shows restraint initiating intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed, ridiculed, or rejected due to severe low self-worth.
4. Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
5. Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
6. Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
7. Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

I am a loner because of this. Obviously I have had to overcome some of this to get to where I am at. But my life could have been so much richer to this point if I had not been plagued by those descriptions. When I start using alcohol and the occasional joint in high school, I felt for the first time I was accepted...in fact people liked me when I was drunk, I was a good time to be around. I flirted with women and I made a bunch of new friends. However these new friends came with my "drunk persona" and all these years later, and especially now since I have swore off ever getting drunk again, those folks aren't really my friends anymore. Afterall what do we have in common?

Still, this is a "war" and I'm not giving up.

This group has been running for 2 years now. The original group member attended Dr. Richard’s therapy program for 3 weeks in Phoenix, AZ. The program was so effective for him that he wanted to start up a local group when he came back home. We ended up meeting each other on a social anxiety support website when we both posted for people in Connecticut with Social Anxiety looking for a local support group. Then it took about a year to get it up and running and find appropriate members.

The group uses cognitive behavioral therapy specifically designed for social anxiety disorder. Please see website for more details: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org

The first session started in Middlebury at a library, and then we moved it to a church in New Haven that had more space and privacy and a better location for all. Members come from various locations in the state, and we’ve had 2 members commute from New York faithfully. There are no other support groups nearby in New England that are structured like this one and that use Dr. Richard’s program. The reason that we feel that it is so important to have his program which consists of a workbook and 20 audio CDs is so that all the members are listening and practicing the same materials as others in the group. It gives us all something to keep us in check and on the same page for discussion and activities.

Here is a link that can best describe the program. It explains what is entailed in the audio series which also comes with a workbook. http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/audioseries.html

The original leader led the group for the first two sessions (about a year). Each session is usually about 16 – 18 weeks, including some skipped weeks due to holidays, weather, or schedule conflicts. After a year, he decided to take a break, and that’s when I decided that I wanted to take over, but was still struggling with the “teaching” part of the group, the cognitive review part of the therapy. I get extremely anxious reading scripted material and reviewing material. I am much better at impromptu speaking, and interacting one on one or in a small group. I felt I could handle the behavioral component of the group. Tracy, another member, who is the opposite with her SA (there are subtypes) said she would like to lead the group too and that she would be more comfortable with doing the cognitive techniques aspect of it… and here we are. We have done two sessions now, for about a year, and are looking to do another. We have 4 members that would like to continue and are seeking 6 to 8 new members to join. The group members’ locations and schedules will determine exactly when and where we will hold the group. We are hoping to do an evening group on a Tuesday or Thursday, from 5:00 or 6:00 – 8:00 or 9:00 if possible. If not, we can stick with Saturday mornings as we have been doing from 9:30 to 12:30.

We have not determined an exact location yet, but it would most likely be in the New Haven area. If we meet in a library, it will be free. If we meet at a church, like we did last time, it would cost each member about $20 - $30 for renting the room over the course of the entire treatment, about 16 – 18 weeks.

It is a VERY effective program as you will see if you are interested in reading the former and continuing members’ short biographies. We have seen tremendous success for all of them. The co-leader and I started off as members ourselves and are now doing things we never thought we would do, such as attending Toastmasters, and in general living a much more peaceful and unrestricted life. Tracy is now acting in numerous plays and able to attend many more social events than ever in her entire life. We now have much more control over our thinking and recognize irrational thoughts, and can much better face and cope with social situations.

The group typically runs as follows:

Cognitive review and discussion (this usually takes more time in the first few meetings).

Behavioral activities (starts off with simple exercises, then can get as advanced as members are comfortable with).

Proactivity Reports – discussion of SA encounters a person had during the week, how it was handled, and any upcoming SA situations for the following week.

Individual time – each member is allowed at least five minutes (or more depending how much time is left) to do their own activity in front of the group. Of course, members can pass on this.

The behavioral activities usually consist of introducing oneself to the group, in various ways, briefly one technique at a time. Also, mingling, quick game playing, such as Taboo, or another game that requires thinking on the spot and short turns. Physical movements and being silly, such as Simon Says. We have also read scripts from sitcoms like Friends and Seinfeld, read as much or as little as we want out of a book or the workbook. We also do role plays to improve assertiveness, and have mock debates to strongly voice opinions. Again, this is all up to the members and what they want to do. All suggestions are always welcome.

For individual time, some members practice telling jokes, play instruments, act out a monologue, give a speech, and some even sing. It is all up to the group member to make what they want of it. We are there to provide the opportunity for them, as well as ourselves.

We also provide the opportunity for the members to be videotaped while doing an activity and allow time at the end so that they can review it. They can view it alone, or along with the group and ask for additional feedback. This technique may seem rather scary at first, but most people are amazed when they see themselves on video and realize they do not even look anxious at all. This is probably the most evidence-based way to give rational feedback.

While this may all seem very overwhelming at first, we do work at a very slow pace, and ask repeatedly throughout the meeting if everyone is comfortable. People can just sit and observe if they do not feel comfortable yet. Nothing is ever forced. Tracy and I provide a very low pressure environment for the members. No one is ever put on the spot or forced to participate if they are uncomfortable. We begin with some very low key behavioral exercises for the first few weeks until people begin to feel comfortable. Everyone is free to pass at any time, and it does happen, and no one judges. We are all there for the same reason and are very supportive of one another. We also try to e-mail the group during the week with situations that come up or if someone has an especially difficult SA occasion come up and needs suggestions or feedback. We have also discussed implementing a new component along these lines of having a “sponsor” in a sense. For example, when a new member joins, they can pair up with a previous member that has had more progress, and that “sponsor” would be available one on one to that person to help them through a difficult situation.

We do ask potential members that want to join to be extremely committed. If a member misses a couple weeks of therapy, they can get thrown off and may feel not as bonded with the group. Of course things come up and groups have to be missed, but it's important to be committed.

We come to rely on each other for support. Also, it's good to carry out the therapy all the way to the end even if you feel you have gotten much better. Can't get enough practice! Sometimes if you fall out of the routine and the right way of thinking, the SA can creep back in easier.

If interested and ready to order the program, this is the link where you order: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/orderpage1.html

When you order, if you e-mail: ATTN to Steve, I am going to be a member of Marla Genova/ Tony Walstra's (original group leader that attended the program) group in CT, and I was told that I would receive a 25% discount. It usually takes about 1-2 weeks to arrive.

The program is rather expensive, but Dr. Richards is running a non-profit organization, and put a lot of time and effort into this program. With everyone out there burning copies of CDs and whatnot, he barely has enough income to keep his clinic running. It’s interesting to read about his biography and how the clinic came to be. He was a teacher, then became a psychologist practicing all forms of disorders, then narrowed it down to anxiety disorders, then opened up his own non-profit clinic to specifically treat social anxiety, which is his true passion, as he had suffered from SA the majority of his life.

If interested, I will forward an e-mail that was sent out directly from the SAI clinic recently regarding this issue. The reason I am telling you all this is because I don't want you to think that we are trying to make money off this in any way. Tracy and I are simply volunteering our time, and need a program that works that everyone can follow along with and have good structure. One of our group members made a valid point regarding the cost of the program in combination with the group. The amount of co-pay someone would pay for 16 weeks of therapy would be probably around the same amount, $300.

About me:

I had always been a very shy child, but never experienced anxiety until I was up at the podium in 7th grade giving a speech about a book report. I experienced my first panic attack, racing heart, sweating, shaking, out of control. But I made it through, and that's when my vicious cycle of avoiding any kind of performing in public began. It consumed my every thought and I dreaded going to school every day. I began working at a very quiet drycleaners (low social contact) part time in high school, and stayed there for 6 years until I graduated from college. I managed to get out of every presentation in college except for 2 my senior year. I had to do extensive research of which professors assigned presentations, which ones you can get out of, dropping/switching classes and making bargains with professors to do more written work to avoid presentations.
After college, I began working on a research study for Yale on substance abuse that required a minimum of social spotlight, and I worked there for almost 7 years. Luckily I was given many promotions and earned my master's degree in psychology while I was there, NO presentations in graduate school, same tactics as above. I was laid off 2 years ago and was not quite nearly as nervous looking for another job as I thought I would be, due to the help of this group. I worked at UCONN Health Center , Dept. of Psychiatry for almost 2 years, then returned back to my department in New Haven for a new study. I had been wanting to work with people who have social anxiety disorder since I graduated college, but unfortunately, my career just didn't head me in that direction.
I have been to therapy strictly for social anxiety on and off for 12 years while studying psychology for 12 years, trying to “cure” myself. It's been a long battle, and I know it's not quite over yet, and that it probably never will be, but I can accept that, as I now can accept myself. I learned so much about acceptance through group, former psychologists, and at work, all in different contexts, but they tied together perfectly. At first the concept made no sense; now, it makes perfect sense, even though sometimes it is difficult to apply, even though I can realize it!
I would still rate my anxiety as being very severe when it comes to presentations and formal meetings in which I am required to speak in a structured format. I also am still very uncomfortable reading aloud, although I have made great progress with that in the past 2 years through all the group activities and practice. I had to do somewhat of an informal training at my new job last summer in front of 30 people and I didn’t get too nervous, and did quite well.
I have gained so much from the group; the structure, focus, and repeated exposures have helped more than I could have imagined. This group came to me at such a perfect time. I was going through a bit of a personality transformation when I joined the group, so I think the combination of that and the group itself did wonders for me.
The co-leader of the group is an amazing woman who started off as a member as I did. She used to be a lawyer, and her anxiety was more with one on one interactions. Now she is taking acting classes, has opened up so much of herself in many ways, and is attending Toastmasters meetings, and other organizations, which never would have been imagined a couple years ago.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

sagroup27@yahoo.com

Thank you,

Marla
-More information on Social Anxiety and its treatments:

Information about Social Anxiety and its Subtypes

Introduction

It is normal to be a little nervous when meeting new people, making a presentation, or confronting someone in a position of authority. Such anxiety reflects the simple fact that all social encounters, especially those with unfamiliar or socially advantaged people, entail some risk. We are, after all, social beings, and others in society determine to a certain extent what social benefits we might and might not enjoy.

In social anxiety disorder (also known as social phobia), this normal social anxiety assumes phobic proportions, and sufferers might avoid even innocuous social situations or endure them with extreme distress. Such fear and avoidance are more than an annoyance or a simple personality quirk. Patients with social anxiety disorder suffer disproportionately from depression, other anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and even suicide. They are more likely to be disabled, unemployed, underemployed, and divorced, and on the average they even make less money than persons who do not suffer from the disorder.

Surprisingly, social anxiety disorder is also one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting between 2% and 13% of the general population at some point in their lives. Despite its chronic nature and considerable functional impact, only a few patients with the condition are recognized as having it. And despite the growing availability of effective therapies, only a few receive specific treatment.

Subtypes

In the generalized subtype, DSM-IV specifies the presence of serious social anxiety in "most social situations. "Others are classified as having the nongeneralized subtype.

Illustrative Cases

Generalized Subtype

A 32-year-old man came in for a physical examination. His only complaint was long-standing, occasional, mild depressive symptoms, and that he felt "down" about 10% of the time. He related a 10- to 15-year history of psychotherapy with about 10 different therapists for "self-esteem problems," but he always felt that something was missing, and the therapy never seemed to help much. Because he appeared to be unusually nervous during the interview and examination, he was asked about social anxiety. He readily endorsed substantial social phobic symptoms and consequences dating to early adolescence, including fear or avoidance of many social interactions, difficulty participating in school, and underachievement at work.

Nongeneralized Subtype

A 27-year-old Latin American man complained of difficulty making presentations at work. He was a very successful management consultant who had had no trouble making presentations or with other social encounters until about 9 months before his visit in the primary care setting. He had had a single panic attack while giving a presentation, and since that time, he experienced substantial anxiety and worry making presentations, even to a small, familiar group. He had no further panic attacks, and his problems with social anxiety were limited to making presentations at work. He acknowledged increasing symptoms of depression since the onset of his social phobia, and he began to believe that he would be better off returning to his homeland, where he would feel more secure.

Treatment Options

Patient Education

Patients with social anxiety disorder often feel a great sense of relief when they learn that their secret problem has a name, a biologic contribution, and effective treatments. Occasionally, patients can successfully guide themselves through a cognitive behavioral therapy program using a workbook.

Support Groups

Support groups have not been specifically evaluated for the treatment of social phobia, but some patients find them helpful. The international self-help program called Toastmasters is very helpful for people with public-speaking phobia.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive theory suggests that patients with social anxiety disorder possess learned, irrational fears of negative evaluation that pervade their experience of social situations. These fears lead to their symptoms of anxiety. Cognitive therapy trains patients to recognize, analyze, and dispute these irrational fears. Behavioral therapy involves exposing patients to graded exposures and simulations of anxiety-provoking situations, which leads to desensitization and severing the link between the social situations and anxiety.

Cognitive behavioral therapy combines these therapies in a specialized form of psychotherapy, with specific goals and structure and a time-limited course. Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder is usually done in a group setting, allowing patients to try out their new social behaviors in a safer environment. There are data to support the efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy as a primary treatment of social anxiety disorder. Cognitive behavioral therapy appears to be as effective as pharmacotherapy and is associated with a relatively durable response. In clinical practice cognitive behavioral therapy can be used as a primary treatment or in conjunction with pharmacotherapy.

***This information is from an on-line article. Please see website for more information: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/405792_print

This group has been running for 2 years now. The original group member attended Dr. Richard’s therapy program for 3 weeks in Phoenix, AZ. The program was so effective for him that he wanted to start up a local group when he came back home. We ended up meeting each other on a social anxiety support website when we both posted for people in Connecticut with Social Anxiety looking for a local support group. Then it took about a year to get it up and running and find appropriate members.

The group uses cognitive behavioral therapy specifically designed for social anxiety disorder. Please see website for more details: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org

The first session started in Middlebury at a library, and then we moved it to a church in New Haven that had more space and privacy and a better location for all. Members come from various locations in the state, and we’ve had 2 members commute from New York faithfully. There are no other support groups nearby in New England that are structured like this one and that use Dr. Richard’s program. The reason that we feel that it is so important to have his program which consists of a workbook and 20 audio CDs is so that all the members are listening and practicing the same materials as others in the group. It gives us all something to keep us in check and on the same page for discussion and activities.

Here is a link that can best describe the program. It explains what is entailed in the audio series which also comes with a workbook. http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/audioseries.html

The original leader led the group for the first two sessions (about a year). Each session is usually about 16 – 18 weeks, including some skipped weeks due to holidays, weather, or schedule conflicts. After a year, he decided to take a break, and that’s when I decided that I wanted to take over, but was still struggling with the “teaching” part of the group, the cognitive review part of the therapy. I get extremely anxious reading scripted material and reviewing material. I am much better at impromptu speaking, and interacting one on one or in a small group. I felt I could handle the behavioral component of the group. Tracy, another member, who is the opposite with her SA (there are subtypes) said she would like to lead the group too and that she would be more comfortable with doing the cognitive techniques aspect of it… and here we are. We have done two sessions now, for about a year, and are looking to do another. We have 4 members that would like to continue and are seeking 6 to 8 new members to join. The group members’ locations and schedules will determine exactly when and where we will hold the group. We are hoping to do an evening group on a Tuesday or Thursday, from 5:00 or 6:00 – 8:00 or 9:00 if possible. If not, we can stick with Saturday mornings as we have been doing from 9:30 to 12:30.

We have not determined an exact location yet, but it would most likely be in the New Haven area. If we meet in a library, it will be free. If we meet at a church, like we did last time, it would cost each member about $20 - $30 for renting the room over the course of the entire treatment, about 16 – 18 weeks.

It is a VERY effective program as you will see if you are interested in reading the former and continuing members’ short biographies. We have seen tremendous success for all of them. The co-leader and I started off as members ourselves and are now doing things we never thought we would do, such as attending Toastmasters, and in general living a much more peaceful and unrestricted life. Tracy is now acting in numerous plays and able to attend many more social events than ever in her entire life. We now have much more control over our thinking and recognize irrational thoughts, and can much better face and cope with social situations.

The group typically runs as follows:

Cognitive review and discussion (this usually takes more time in the first few meetings).

Behavioral activities (starts off with simple exercises, then can get as advanced as members are comfortable with).

Proactivity Reports – discussion of SA encounters a person had during the week, how it was handled, and any upcoming SA situations for the following week.

Individual time – each member is allowed at least five minutes (or more depending how much time is left) to do their own activity in front of the group. Of course, members can pass on this.

The behavioral activities usually consist of introducing oneself to the group, in various ways, briefly one technique at a time. Also, mingling, quick game playing, such as Taboo, or another game that requires thinking on the spot and short turns. Physical movements and being silly, such as Simon Says. We have also read scripts from sitcoms like Friends and Seinfeld, read as much or as little as we want out of a book or the workbook. We also do role plays to improve assertiveness, and have mock debates to strongly voice opinions. Again, this is all up to the members and what they want to do. All suggestions are always welcome.

For individual time, some members practice telling jokes, play instruments, act out a monologue, give a speech, and some even sing. It is all up to the group member to make what they want of it. We are there to provide the opportunity for them, as well as ourselves.

We also provide the opportunity for the members to be videotaped while doing an activity and allow time at the end so that they can review it. They can view it alone, or along with the group and ask for additional feedback. This technique may seem rather scary at first, but most people are amazed when they see themselves on video and realize they do not even look anxious at all. This is probably the most evidence-based way to give rational feedback.

While this may all seem very overwhelming at first, we do work at a very slow pace, and ask repeatedly throughout the meeting if everyone is comfortable. People can just sit and observe if they do not feel comfortable yet. Nothing is ever forced. Tracy and I provide a very low pressure environment for the members. No one is ever put on the spot or forced to participate if they are uncomfortable. We begin with some very low key behavioral exercises for the first few weeks until people begin to feel comfortable. Everyone is free to pass at any time, and it does happen, and no one judges. We are all there for the same reason and are very supportive of one another. We also try to e-mail the group during the week with situations that come up or if someone has an especially difficult SA occasion come up and needs suggestions or feedback. We have also discussed implementing a new component along these lines of having a “sponsor” in a sense. For example, when a new member joins, they can pair up with a previous member that has had more progress, and that “sponsor” would be available one on one to that person to help them through a difficult situation.

We do ask potential members that want to join to be extremely committed. If a member misses a couple weeks of therapy, they can get thrown off and may feel not as bonded with the group. Of course things come up and groups have to be missed, but it's important to be committed.

We come to rely on each other for support. Also, it's good to carry out the therapy all the way to the end even if you feel you have gotten much better. Can't get enough practice! Sometimes if you fall out of the routine and the right way of thinking, the SA can creep back in easier.

If interested and ready to order the program, this is the link where you order: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/orderpage1.html

When you order, if you e-mail: ATTN to Steve, I am going to be a member of Marla Genova/ Tony Walstra's (original group leader that attended the program) group in CT, and I was told that I would receive a 25% discount. It usually takes about 1-2 weeks to arrive.

The program is rather expensive, but Dr. Richards is running a non-profit organization, and put a lot of time and effort into this program. With everyone out there burning copies of CDs and whatnot, he barely has enough income to keep his clinic running. It’s interesting to read about his biography and how the clinic came to be. He was a teacher, then became a psychologist practicing all forms of disorders, then narrowed it down to anxiety disorders, then opened up his own non-profit clinic to specifically treat social anxiety, which is his true passion, as he had suffered from SA the majority of his life.

If interested, I will forward an e-mail that was sent out directly from the SAI clinic recently regarding this issue. The reason I am telling you all this is because I don't want you to think that we are trying to make money off this in any way. Tracy and I are simply volunteering our time, and need a program that works that everyone can follow along with and have good structure. One of our group members made a valid point regarding the cost of the program in combination with the group. The amount of co-pay someone would pay for 16 weeks of therapy would be probably around the same amount, $300.

About me:

I had always been a very shy child, but never experienced anxiety until I was up at the podium in 7th grade giving a speech about a book report. I experienced my first panic attack, racing heart, sweating, shaking, out of control. But I made it through, and that's when my vicious cycle of avoiding any kind of performing in public began. It consumed my every thought and I dreaded going to school every day. I began working at a very quiet drycleaners (low social contact) part time in high school, and stayed there for 6 years until I graduated from college. I managed to get out of every presentation in college except for 2 my senior year. I had to do extensive research of which professors assigned presentations, which ones you can get out of, dropping/switching classes and making bargains with professors to do more written work to avoid presentations.
After college, I began working on a research study for Yale on substance abuse that required a minimum of social spotlight, and I worked there for almost 7 years. Luckily I was given many promotions and earned my master's degree in psychology while I was there, NO presentations in graduate school, same tactics as above. I was laid off 2 years ago and was not quite nearly as nervous looking for another job as I thought I would be, due to the help of this group. I worked at UCONN Health Center , Dept. of Psychiatry for almost 2 years, then returned back to my department in New Haven for a new study. I had been wanting to work with people who have social anxiety disorder since I graduated college, but unfortunately, my career just didn't head me in that direction.
I have been to therapy strictly for social anxiety on and off for 12 years while studying psychology for 12 years, trying to “cure” myself. It's been a long battle, and I know it's not quite over yet, and that it probably never will be, but I can accept that, as I now can accept myself. I learned so much about acceptance through group, former psychologists, and at work, all in different contexts, but they tied together perfectly. At first the concept made no sense; now, it makes perfect sense, even though sometimes it is difficult to apply, even though I can realize it!
I would still rate my anxiety as being very severe when it comes to presentations and formal meetings in which I am required to speak in a structured format. I also am still very uncomfortable reading aloud, although I have made great progress with that in the past 2 years through all the group activities and practice. I had to do somewhat of an informal training at my new job last summer in front of 30 people and I didn’t get too nervous, and did quite well.
I have gained so much from the group; the structure, focus, and repeated exposures have helped more than I could have imagined. This group came to me at such a perfect time. I was going through a bit of a personality transformation when I joined the group, so I think the combination of that and the group itself did wonders for me.
The co-leader of the group is an amazing woman who started off as a member as I did. She used to be a lawyer, and her anxiety was more with one on one interactions. Now she is taking acting classes, has opened up so much of herself in many ways, and is attending Toastmasters meetings, and other organizations, which never would have been imagined a couple years ago.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

sagroup27@yahoo.com

Thank you,

Marla
-More information on Social Anxiety and its treatments:

Information about Social Anxiety and its Subtypes

Introduction

It is normal to be a little nervous when meeting new people, making a presentation, or confronting someone in a position of authority. Such anxiety reflects the simple fact that all social encounters, especially those with unfamiliar or socially advantaged people, entail some risk. We are, after all, social beings, and others in society determine to a certain extent what social benefits we might and might not enjoy.

In social anxiety disorder (also known as social phobia), this normal social anxiety assumes phobic proportions, and sufferers might avoid even innocuous social situations or endure them with extreme distress. Such fear and avoidance are more than an annoyance or a simple personality quirk. Patients with social anxiety disorder suffer disproportionately from depression, other anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and even suicide. They are more likely to be disabled, unemployed, underemployed, and divorced, and on the average they even make less money than persons who do not suffer from the disorder.

Surprisingly, social anxiety disorder is also one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting between 2% and 13% of the general population at some point in their lives. Despite its chronic nature and considerable functional impact, only a few patients with the condition are recognized as having it. And despite the growing availability of effective therapies, only a few receive specific treatment.

Subtypes

In the generalized subtype, DSM-IV specifies the presence of serious social anxiety in "most social situations. "Others are classified as having the nongeneralized subtype.

Illustrative Cases

Generalized Subtype

A 32-year-old man came in for a physical examination. His only complaint was long-standing, occasional, mild depressive symptoms, and that he felt "down" about 10% of the time. He related a 10- to 15-year history of psychotherapy with about 10 different therapists for "self-esteem problems," but he always felt that something was missing, and the therapy never seemed to help much. Because he appeared to be unusually nervous during the interview and examination, he was asked about social anxiety. He readily endorsed substantial social phobic symptoms and consequences dating to early adolescence, including fear or avoidance of many social interactions, difficulty participating in school, and underachievement at work.

Nongeneralized Subtype

A 27-year-old Latin American man complained of difficulty making presentations at work. He was a very successful management consultant who had had no trouble making presentations or with other social encounters until about 9 months before his visit in the primary care setting. He had had a single panic attack while giving a presentation, and since that time, he experienced substantial anxiety and worry making presentations, even to a small, familiar group. He had no further panic attacks, and his problems with social anxiety were limited to making presentations at work. He acknowledged increasing symptoms of depression since the onset of his social phobia, and he began to believe that he would be better off returning to his homeland, where he would feel more secure.

Treatment Options

Patient Education

Patients with social anxiety disorder often feel a great sense of relief when they learn that their secret problem has a name, a biologic contribution, and effective treatments. Occasionally, patients can successfully guide themselves through a cognitive behavioral therapy program using a workbook.

Support Groups

Support groups have not been specifically evaluated for the treatment of social phobia, but some patients find them helpful. The international self-help program called Toastmasters is very helpful for people with public-speaking phobia.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive theory suggests that patients with social anxiety disorder possess learned, irrational fears of negative evaluation that pervade their experience of social situations. These fears lead to their symptoms of anxiety. Cognitive therapy trains patients to recognize, analyze, and dispute these irrational fears. Behavioral therapy involves exposing patients to graded exposures and simulations of anxiety-provoking situations, which leads to desensitization and severing the link between the social situations and anxiety.

Cognitive behavioral therapy combines these therapies in a specialized form of psychotherapy, with specific goals and structure and a time-limited course. Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder is usually done in a group setting, allowing patients to try out their new social behaviors in a safer environment. There are data to support the efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy as a primary treatment of social anxiety disorder. Cognitive behavioral therapy appears to be as effective as pharmacotherapy and is associated with a relatively durable response. In clinical practice cognitive behavioral therapy can be used as a primary treatment or in conjunction with pharmacotherapy.

***This information is from an on-line article. Please see website for more information: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/405792_print

Now that I'm coming down of that alcohol binge and the aftermath, I feel a little better about things. My secret weapon is excercise. I recommend the book "Spark" by John Rattay. If that book doesn't convince you to start a regime nothing will. I feel better, and more optimistic after a workout.

I have declared war on Social Anxiety. I am considering looking into medication to supplement with my exerrcise and CBT routine. I am also practing deep breathing. Like exercise, this seems to help get my "brain chemistry" in order.

Last weekend I finally learned my lesson. I cannot drink my anxiety away. It will come back three fold. And in the form of humilation with loss of motor control, and the "regret" of the next day.

On wednesday I attended a retirement party for my old Broadcasting instructor. I engaged in several nice conversations with old classmates. It was a bit awkward at the beginning, but i managed. The anxiety was there and it will be there, you just have to dive in. I consider the outing a success.

Unitl next time....

Well I fell back to the year 2000 all over again this weekend. No confidence, anxious and depressed. I went out and got drunk this weekend, and I tell you that is the last time ever. I really cannot afford to perpetuate this cycle. The alcohol influenced me into a different mind pattern.

For one night I became the lonely drunk I used to be by hoping to get on women. There were two women that ended up at my house after a night of drinking shots and spilling them on myself. The women were drunk and finally the older one wanted to walk home and I offered to go with her…to just escort her home. She denied of course. Sober, I would not act like that. I would have been of so few words that there would have been no conversation at all. She would have walked home and there would be no argument from me.

She left her friend with me and she was all of 18 or whatever. I am too old…frekin 30! Yet, in my drunken state I was just about ready to put the moves on her when my friend came by and she jumps in with him and goes home or whatever. Story of my life. I have always been last when it comes to women. But had I been sober I would have never even entertained the notion. So I became a lonely drunk. Drinking away until 530 in the morning where I passed out.

This is the kind of garbage I really wanted to avoid but I can’t. It seems that it is either stay home all the time or go out and get drunk…have fun for a little while…and then pay for it. And what a price…the after effect produced a depression in me. It has sidetracked me for two days. All of a sudden I have no confidence, no ambition, and am nervous all the time. Alcohol in moderation is a decent thing. But there is no moderation for me. I wish I could go out and have a good time at the bars without getting drunk.

What a curse.

As I get further from Saturday the depression in me is lifting a little bit…but the remnents are floating around in my mind…how can I find any joy in anything? I look at my future and I lack optimism. Marriage is out of the picture. I don’t even know if that would bring me joy if it happened. Children? No clue at all. I can imagine a million different futures and I don’t’ find any joy, happiness or satisfaction with any of them.

This school called “life” is sure a drag right now that is for sure. I wish I could be 30 instead of 22 or 15 all over again. Just when I think the demons that plagued me in those years are dormant they come back to bite me in the ass. I will no longer let Alcohol usher them in. Here’s to better days ahead…hopefully the joy will return.

So, depression has given me a whole new outlook on life. hahah

This black dog has come back with a vengeance, it seems. I've been feeling so detached from everybody and everything for the last month. I made a decision to not talk to my family right now. I don't really want to. I mean, I don't hate them. I just want to be left alone.

And then I put on this mask at work. I try to attend breaks and lunchtimes, and I try to keep myself interested in the small talk lunchroom discussion. It just seems like I'm always 'trying', but never getting two steps ahead.

I feel really stuck. I am hoping this bloody thing will lift eventually, and I can resume a normal life with normal thoughts. Not thoughts of despair and hopelessness. It seems like every day is the same.

I don't even want to distract myself from feeling depressed anymore. But, I know that I have to preoccupy my mind to distract it from creating more maladaptive thoughts. I do my crafts to keep me occupied.

I just have to remember that I'm still a good person, that I'm still worth it, and that the only person who can love myself truly is myself. Sometimes I think that having depression makes me feel like I'm sub-human, like a defect, or a 'thing' with major issues. And that's the stigma I fight within myself and the worry about other people's perceptions of me.

I don't even know if what I'm writing about makes any sense. But as an ISFP, I know that my senses are heightened, and I am reading into people's behaviours, my own thoughts and behaviours, way too much. I'm over-estimating and becoming hyper-judgmental.

I really wish this depression would lift.....and soon.

Ok, so this is my cynical side popping up again.

I can't help but feel strange joining a special interest group or club. Obviously, the reason why you've joined is to meet new people and hopefully make new friends. That's the idealism behind the concept.

But I can't help but stigmatize the whole thing. Here's a bunch of strangers together, like a melting pot full of potentially odd ingredients, with a hope that somehow one or two of the ingredients will form a bond.

Dismally, I've joined a few meet-up groups and haven't successfully found a single friend that stuck around long enough. The chances of the same people showing up to these group meetings is minimal. So, you end up meeting new strangers every week, doing different activities together. And then if you're lucky you strike up a friendship, and hopefully continue that friendship away from the main group. Hopefully, that is.

I can blame my ineptitude at making friends to social anxiety, but honestly I think that half the time it's a lame way to make friends. It's so contrived. It's hard for me to experience any fun doing an activity amongst people I hardly know. You can't just create something out of thin air, and that's what it seems like to me.

I know this is disappointing news to the readers out there, but I have to remind you that it's my experience. I don't want to generalize it as the typical experience. I guess the more outgoing types have an easier way of establishing that friendship rapport compared to myself.

Hi all,

I'm a 19 year old male dealing with depression and social anxiety. I gave up on medication and therapy because I thought I was weird. Also, I didn't feel comfortable around my older siblings. I left college after 3 days because I humiliated myself.
Recently, Ive been declining every invite to go anywhere. I work and go to school. I can't seem to have to balls to go to parties or other just social events. I don't get why I'm like this. I also just think hanging myself would be the best option. I don't think it'll eveer get better. So I jsut try to get great grades so I can get a great job and live by myself in a small apartment. Thats my current dream.

Sincerly,
Moody12345

So, just more of my thoughts. I usually talk to myself in these blogs.

Everything is being turned into an objective, being compartmentalized and analyzed in order to create a perfect technique that will allow you to reach enlightenment.

But intuitively, you know that enlightenment can't be grasped, or you know that it already exists in you, but it is the persistent mind that is the problem, which always tries to create a new identity for itself, to claim enlightenment as a prize for itself. But it doesn't seem to understand that enlightenment is the end of compulsive thought, the end of all identifying and the accumulation of individual achievements that enhance it's self-esteem (I am better than everyone now because I have enlightenment! I can now add that to my strength (say), so that now I am an even better person than I was before. Now, I just have to augment my thoughts to enhance my mind to a perfect level. I need to be perfect to be happy. This is the recording, the script that is being repeated endlessly)..

So don't look for enlightenment. Rather, look at how you can stop the mind and maintain a conscious awareness of the world around you, and the environment within. You know you can't switch off your brain, so it really isn't you, it can't be controlled right now. It is more like an addiction - so you need to break the habit. Remember! You only need three things: Sincerity, single-mindedness, and courage, second being most important, because you can't accomplish anything if you can't maintain any long-term interest, if things jump around constantly then nothing is done.

As for the exercise, I know you've tried a bunch, maybe never stayed focused. But this is what you should try now - the anchoring method (focus on inner body, peripherally, at all times, to keep you anchored in the now). Eckhart Tolle should be the only resource you need; he seems to show the simplest path without weighing you down with countless, (pointless) points of knowledge. Yes, accumulation of knowledge really does seem worthless, I think its an addiction too. The only other thing is..I'm not sure that I can break identification with my mind. But I can stay present... perhaps it will be like a car, and I have only started accelerating

Anyways - that is it. Work on it! And maybe I'll come back here later if there are any difficulties.

Lately I've realized that I've become more and more angry with other people and myself. I let people walk all over me and never say anything because I'm scared of what they might think or what the consequences might be. It builds up for so long and then one day I'll just explode. I get raging mad to the point where I'm shaking and my heart feels like its going to explode. I have tunnel vision and I cant remember much of what was said after its all over with. I don't know if that is normal for someone with social anxiety, but I guess social anxiety isn't exactly normal so maybe everybody reacts differently. This has only happened a few times that I can remember, although they are more recent. I think I'm getting worse. After taking so much for so long over the years, I can't seem to control myself as much.

Hey I'm new my name is Carolina and I just watched True Life on MTV and realized that I have social anxiety. It's weird I just thought I was a nervous person. Anyway I'm 19 years old my father passed away when I was 9. I've been working with my Mom since I dropped out of high school at 14. I've only had friends when I was in middle school and I don't know why but I pushed them away after I started high school. So basically I have no friends since then except my sister and my cousin and Mom. I don't go out EVER except if I have to. There's so many things I want to do but I put up this front when someone talks to me or I have to talk to someone, I start getting like the person is gonna hit me why? I mean I'm not 5 years old I mean what can I do I need help or advice anything just to help me out because really I don't know what to do with myself or with my family. My family wants me to go out and I'm just like NO don't want to even if I really want to because I know how I start getting when I'm around people and in 5 minutes I start getting mad and irritated and they don't even know why, I'm just like I want to go home now. So thanks everyone for letting me vent even if it's just online. Peace.